After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
