we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
