She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
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