so explain again why im purple
no
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize