If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
