Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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