Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
