his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I need to calm my uterus...
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
