Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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