Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
