I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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