you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
