I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
