I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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