its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
