I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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