Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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