I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
