We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
