so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
