: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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