return my video game
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
