Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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