Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
