She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
