He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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