He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
