oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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