The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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