I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
