ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Enjoy the penises
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
