Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
