I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
