so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
