i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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