is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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