We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
