his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
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