literally had 100 drinks last night.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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