There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
