i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
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