4 words: hood of his car
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
So squirting runs in the family.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Randomize
