Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize