my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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