....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
