You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Randomize
