Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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