i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
tell me about the eggs
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
