Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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