idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
