She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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