Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
