I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
