At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
