Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize