Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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