But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
