You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
