We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
