This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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