why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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