dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
