I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
