Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
