I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
