i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
