Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
