White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
