you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
