i don't like sucking hair
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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