I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
