I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
